The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
