these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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