Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
PANTIES FOUND
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
