thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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