Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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