its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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