Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
