i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
