im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
