Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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