i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
