I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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