is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
