The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
