there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
