Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
