i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
