just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
