I am puke
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
not ubering you a puppy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
