My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
