I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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