She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
