Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
