Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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