Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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