so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
