with your own penis?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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