I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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