once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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