saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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