mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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