After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
