Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
