I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
