I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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