I will die if light touches me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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