Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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