I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
