yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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