You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
