All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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