You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
