I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
