In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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