i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
