the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
