Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
