i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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