You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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