if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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