That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
