His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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