I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
