so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
