Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
